by Nancy Whetstone
Puppets: Rachel Raccoon, Wordy Bird, Lacey Lamb
WORDY BIRD: Spring has sprung, the grass is riz. I wonder where the flowers is? (Leaves stage.)
RACHEL: (enters) Wow! What a glorious spring day! I can’t believe that just last month, it was still winter! Clover meadow was nothing but snow! Now, the sun is out, and everything is turning green!
LACEY: (enters) Hi, Rachel. I’ve been looking for you!
RACHEL: Hi, Lacey, what do you need?
LACEY: Well, there’s this crazy bird running around, reciting bad poetry. We must put a stop to it.
RACHEL: Oh. I was hoping you might want to frolic a little with me here in the meadow.
LACEY: Frolic? At a time like this? I tell you, this is important! There’s stinky verse afoot!
RACHEL: Oh, Lacey, why worry about your stinky feet? The sun’s shining, the birds are singing! Nature in all its glory is abounding all around us!
LACEY: I’m not talking about my stinky feet, Rachel. I mean, I don’t have stinky feet, I have hooves, and they don’t stink and…oh, never mind! I thought you were smart, Rachel. I’m disappointed in you!
RACHEL: I’m sorry, Lacey. I must have spring fever or something, it’s making me silly. What were you saying?
LACEY: I WAS SAYING there’s this nutty bird running around reciting BAD POETRY! It’s awful! He must be stopped at once!
RACHEL: Really? How funny!
LACEY: It is most certainly NOT funny!! This is a poetic emergency we have here! As president of the Lambs of Literature, I’m aghast at this travesty!
RACHEL: You’re a what at the who?
LACEY: Rachel! You are being unreasonable!
RACHEL: I can’t help it—it’s Springtime in Clover Meadow! Look at the flowers! The tiny bright green leaves on the trees! Smell the sweet breezes! Oh, I can’t stand it! Come on, Lacey, let’s frolic!!
LACEY: Rachel! I absolutely, positively will NOT frolic with you! You simply must get ahold of yourself! We have a problem here, a serious problem that must be remedied!
RACHEL: Aw, remedied blemedied. C’mon! Look at that clover patch over there, Lace ol’ girl! I betcha it’s sweet and juicy! This place isn’t called clover meadow for nothing, you know!
LACEY: Mmmm. Clover, huh? It does smell nice and fresh…but NO! I will not stop to eat any clover until this injustice to the English language is fixed! It’s my job as the President of the…
RACHEL: Lacey. Girlfriend. Look at the sunshine, the dewy green grass! It’s your job as a lamb to eat it. Just like it’s my job as a raccoon to go play by the pond! We are meadow creatures, not presidents of the Loopy Language Loo-loos or whatever. Meadow creatures frolic in the spring! That’s what we as meadow creatures do best! See those bunny rabbits over there?
LACEY: Yes, I see the silly rabbits.
RACHEL: They aren’t silly! They’re bunnies! They’re nibbling and frolicking, like bunnies do. They’re nibbling on your clover, by the way.
LACEY: My clover! Oh no they are NOT! That’s my sweet, dreamy fresh clover! How dare they eat my clover? Are they out of their carrot-munching minds?
RACHEL: Maybe, Lacey, my friend. Maybe they have spring fever. Maybe I have it, and the bunnies have it, and those squirrels over there chasing each other around have it, and maybe, just maybe, that crazy poetry-reciting bird you keep baa-baaing about has it, too. Think about it, Lacey. The only one who doesn’t have spring fever seems to be…well, you, Lacey Lamb! I’m not sure, but I think you may be breaking some kind of law or something.
LACEY: What! Me break a law? That’s completely ridiculous! You’ve got to be kidding me! Just because the rest of you are acting like silly furry woodland animals…
RACHEL: I prefer meadow creatures.
LACEY: Meadow creatures, my wooly foot. You’re just being silly.
RACHEL: Exactly! And the fireflies over there zooming around the lovely pond, and the frogs ribbiting on the lily pads, and the fish flipping in the sun looking very yummy I might add…they’re silly too! Silly with happiness, because this is a beautiful, glorious wonderful green fresh spring day in our pretty little meadow, and you, funny little lambie-poo, should be, too! You should be frolicking and cavorting and skipping and jumping and playing with me and all your meadow creature friends! Now, come on, Lacey, let’s play!!
(Wordy bird appears.)
WORDY BIRD: Jump and play your life away, run in the sun and have some fun! Summer will be hot and dry, fall is always wet and hazy, winter’s so boring you could cry…
LACEY: And springtime makes my best friend crazy. Okay, okay, I give up. Let’s frolic.
RACHEL: Really? You mean it?
LACEY: I guess so. I mean, here’s that silly bird, right here. I guess I don’t have to find it anymore.
RACHEL: That’s right. There it is, right in front of you. Catch it!
LACEY: Uhm, I can’t.
RACHEL: Why not? It’s just standing there with a funny look on its face. Grab it!
LACEY: Well, I can’t. I mean, I could, but then what would I do with it?
RACHEL: Wellll, it is standing awfully still. You could tag it.
LACEY: Tag it? What do you mean, tag it?
RACHEL: Like this. (Touches Lacey) Tag. You’re it! (Runs offstage.)
LACEY: I’m what? Oh, I’m gonna get you! (leaves stage)
WORDY BIRD: Gotta run, have some fun! See you later, alligator. (leaves stage)
LACEY: Well, that’s the end, my friend!