LITTLE BLUE RIDING HOOD
by Nancy Whetstone
(Puppets- A Boy and a Girl.)
Benny: Once upon a time…
Jenny: (Enters) Benny, are you talking to yourself?
Benny: No, I was going to tell the kids a story, until my annoying sister came along.
Jenny: You don’t have any other sisters, and I know you aren’t talking about me! Can I listen?
Benny: Sure, Jenny, if you promise not to interrupt all the time.
Jenny: Who, me? I can’t believe the things you’re saying about me! I’m always so sweet and kind and helpful and…
Benny: Jenny! Let me tell my story! The kids don’t have all day!
Jenny: Oh, sorry, kids. Go ahead, Benny. What story are you telling?
Benny: Little Blue Riding Hood.
Jenny: Don’t you mean “Little Red Riding Hood”?
Benny: I suppose so. So anyway, once upon a time there was a girl named Little Green Riding Hood.
Benny: Yes, I’ve read the story. Now don’t interrupt.
Jenny: That’s not what I meant. You called her Little Green Riding Hood, but her name was really Little Red Riding Hood.
Benny: Picky, picky. What’s the difference? I like green better than red anyway.
Jenny: So do I, but you should tell the story the way it really is.
Benny: Oh, all right. Have it your way. One day Little RED Riding Hood went to school with a bushel of apples for her teacher.
Jenny: No! No! No!
Benny: What? I called her Little RED Riding Hood like you wanted.
Jenny: But you got everything else wrong. She was supposed to go to her grandmother’s house with a basket of cakes.
Benny: Oh, all right. Little RED Riding Hood went to her GRANDMOTHER’S house. And on the way she met a giraffe.
Jenny: A WHAT???
Benny: A giraffe. You know, those funny-lookin’ things with the looooong necks.
Jenny: I know what a giraffe is. But that’s not what Little Red Riding Hood met.
Benny: Of course it wasn’t. It was a rhinoceros.
Jenny: No. Not a giraffe or a rhinoceros.
Benny: A skunk?
Jenny: I thought you knew this story. She definitely did NOT meet a skunk.
Benny: Good. Because skunks stink! Peee-yoooo!
Jenny: (Sighing) Benny, Little Red Riding Hood met a wolf.
Benny: Oh, yeah. And the wolf says to Little Purple Riding Hood…
Jenny: Little RED Riding Hood!
Benny: Right. He says, “How now, brown cow?”
Jenny: No, he did NOT! The wolf said, “What do you have in your basket, little girl?”
Benny: Correct! I was just testing you. And after the wolf said whatever you said he said, Little Orange Riding Hood…
Jenny: Little RED Riding Hood…
Benny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway she says “I have a whole mess of rotten broccoli in my basket, want some?”
Jenny: (Groans) Oh, come on Benny, she did not!
Benny: Look, Jenny, are you telling this story or am I?
Jenny: You are, but just tell it right! She had cakes in her basket!! Cakes!!
Benny: Oh, all right. Cakes. So then the dragon says…
Jenny: Dragon? What dragon? It was a wolf.
Benny: Right. And the wolf burst into song. “Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you…”
Jenny: Why on earth would the wolf sing “Happy Birthday”?
Benny: ‘Cause, you said her basket was full of birthday cakes.
Jenny: I did NOT say her basket was full of BIRTHDAY CAKES!!! I said they were cakes, just ordinary, everyday cakes!! Benny, you can’t tell a story for anything! You’ve got these kids so mixed up, they probably think you’re out of your mind!
Benny: Fine, then, Miss Smarty Pants. YOU tell a story!
Jenny: OK, I will. Hmmm. Which one should I tell? Maybe the one about the brother and sister who get lost in the woods, Hansel and Google? No, I’ll tell about the beautiful girl who lives in the forest with a bunch of little men, you know, Snow White and the Seventeen Short Guys. No, I’ll tell my favorite story of all, the one about the boy who trades his cow for magic beans, Jack and the Beanbag. Or, I could tell the tale of Puss in Sneakers, or Sleeping Ugly or…
Benny: Now you’re just being silly, I’m leaving. (Leaves stage.)
Jenny: Guess he can dish it out but he can’t take it, huh kids? (Giggles and leaves stage.)
c Nancy Whetstone